Grade A

There it is! Every tear I have cried, every minute of sleep lost, every prayer I have spoken, every trip to the doctors, every blood draw, every ultrasound, every injection that has pierced my skin or medication that has been through my body, every hope, and every dream I have had the last few months. Every decision I have made for months now has revolved around this tiny cluster of cells, no bigger than the period at the end of this sentence.

Isn’t it beautiful and perfect?! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Our one surviving embryo was transferred back in to my body on Saturday morning, where it has hopefully nestled into my uterus and is drawing up plans to remain there for 9 months!

I won’t lie, learning that only one out of our six embryos survived came as a bit of a shock to Aaron and I. After hearing that all six had successfully fertilized, we were hopeful that maybe we would continue to beat the statistics of 1/2 of all fertilized usually make it to day 5. In all reality, I went into our appointment expecting to have at least 3, which would allow us to freeze the extras and use them for future transfers instead of having to start this process from the beginning. At first, I was really just filled with fear. If this doesn’t work, it will be months until we get back to this point. Months of more medications, more money, more shots, more appointments. The thought of it all honestly brought me to tears.

But then I realized, God doesn’t need me to have a back up plan, and he sure doesn’t want me sitting there scared when I have this incredible gift already inside of me. He gave us one, beautiful, perfect, “grade A” embryo and I am so excited and thankful to see what He makes of it. Even if there is no baby to hold at the end of this, it has changed my life for the better in so many ways and has brought me so much closer to the people around me.

I have spent the last couple of days really just kind of in awe about life and creation, and wanted to share my thoughts with you all.

The video above shows an embryo developing after 3 days to when the blastocyst (a fancy word for a mature embryo) hatches. For reference, the picture of our embryo is a day 5 blastocyst. To the normal eye, it kind of just looks like a cell or a blob. Nothing that exciting or special. Women who do IVF LOVE to research and know everything about everything, though, so I’m about to teach ya the basics. 😆

An egg and a sperm come together and turn two pairs of 23 chromosomes into 46, which is obviously your blue print of who you are. Then the one cell turns into two, which turns into 4, which turns into 8 and so on. Then all of a sudden, these cells just somehow KNOW to form a blob (seen in the video as the Morula stage). When they start splitting again, they are all of a sudden 2 different kinds of cells, that will go on to accomplish two different kinds of things. If you look at our embryo, the bigger cluster of cells right at the top will hopefully go on to be the fetus, and line of cells down at the bottom near the edge go on to form the placenta. From that point on, they have their own jobs and purpose. From those two kinds of cells, millions of others will form and create a brain, a heart, lungs, skin, eyes, etc. All with their own purpose and job!

My point is this…..life is INCREDIBLE. It is magic, It is an absolute MIRACLE. And I don’t think we take the time often enough to really think about that. You once looked like that little blob I love so much, and so did every one else that you come across in your life.

So, maybe take a step back this Christmas and remember that. Be grateful for the body you have and for the people you love ❤️

Aaron and I will not know whether I am pregnant for 2 weeks. With the holidays, and the sensitive nature of whatever comes next, I am not sure what or when my next update will be. I do want you all to know how much I appreciate you following along, and sending or giving me words of encouragement and prayer throughout this ordeal. I will never forget the support I felt throughout this process ❤️❤️

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!!!

2 Comments

  1. Praying for you. The holidays are stressful enough and add stupid people making stupid comments. Rise above, which already I know you are better at, than I am and just use each other for strength and understanding. No one understands better than the two of you what you are going through and feeling. And of course, God knows. But calm your soul with the beautiful moments like a snowfall, the Christmas lights and music. The quiet moments of you together by your tree taking in the holiday decorations in the dark late before you go to bed. The wonderful feeling of your family hugs (some of them😈) at Christmas. Church by candlelight on Christmas Eve. These things can bring you joy and peace when you need it, these next couple of weeks. Lots of ❤️

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