After what feels like the longest two months of my life, our transfer was cancelled one week shy of the finish line. After finding my uterine lining was not quite ready last week, we went in for another check and a new spot has appeared on my uterus, most likely another polyp. I will need to have another sonohystogram in a few weeks to confirm, but this will be the fourth one I have had in the last year. Due to this discovery, I have stopped all medications, and our embryo transfer is cancelled.
This means eventually I will have to have another surgery. This time, most likely a full on D&C. This will be my sixth surgery on our journey.
To say that we are upset would really be an understatement. If you have read my blog or have been around me recently, you know that I have really struggled through the past few weeks. In a way that I don’t really know that I have struggled, ever. Even before getting this news, I think Aaron and I kind of knew that this would be it for awhile. I cannot jump back in and put myself through the physical and emotional duress that I have been navigating for the past year of treatments. It’s time to walk away for now, and open a new chapter.
Which means I have a lot to grieve, Aaron has a lot to grieve, and together there is a lot to process and get through. Having to finally admit defeat and apologize to my husband that I may never bear his children have been some of the most difficult moments I have had in my entire life. To work at something with everything you have, and to come up completely empty handed is painful in so many ways, and it’s going to take time to heal some of those wounds.
This isn’t the end of our story, but to turn the page we will be taking some time to reflect and process through what has felt like a trip to hell and back.
Just want to say thank you to everyone who has offered support and prayers through all of these challenges. You brought so much light to what otherwise would be a very dark period of my life.
There will never be enough thank yous!